Friday, April 28, 2006

Anthropology, by Dan Rhodes

"Lipstick"

The police caught my girlfriend stealing money from a blind beggar. She kept silent, but they tortured her until she admitted that she need it for lipstick. 'You have a job, ' they barked, 'You can afford lipstick.'

'I can afford cheap lipstick, but it's horrible. It's soapy, and it never lasts.'

Fortunately, one of her interrogators was a woman. 'She's right. A girl needs to feel confident about her cosmetics.' They gave her a caution. As they released her the female officer, overcome with pity, slipped something into my girlfriend's pocket. A stick of Lancome. Volcanique. It suits her very well.

Gosh, I loved this satire shit!

If I ever write a book, the style of it would definitely be similar to this guy's. Oh, and I can imagine it being made into an indie movie! A movie of a hundred short stories like this, starring John Cusack and Kirsten Dunst. They are good with weird stuff like this.

And wth! I don't like Lancome! How can he glamourize it so much. Helllllllo?! M.AC.?

22:06

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Thursday, April 27, 2006

Interesting Day

It seems like the worry wart's still intent on lurking around because I suffered post-exams insonmia yesterday. Couldn't sleep till 4 and woke up at the usual 7. Nonetheless, I lasted a somewhat interesting day on barely 3 hours of sleep!

Top row (left to right): Some funny motif I found on a t-shirt at Hula & Co. Check it out, the girl has a REAL sequiny thing as a pendant! Hahahaha.../ Comfort eating after exams are finally over. Ding ding ding! ;)/ Funny red date drink which tasted nicer than it looked.
Middle row: Shrimp wanton noodles. Yum./ Me and that Friny who hadn't been to Ding Tai Feng till today!/ My meaning in life. The XLBs (Xiao Long Bao)!
Bottom row: Friny and her virgin XLB (that girl told me she had not tried XLBs before) ;)/ Showing the taka toilet auntie who's boss in front of the mirror. Oh, and I was wearing 4 necklaces all at the same time. Tell me I rock!/ We both have streaked hair, but Friny's done by a pro, mine's by a semi-pro, ie. DIY me lah.

Then came time for tuition...

Was told the kid stays at Jurong West and I relied on streetdirectory.com for the bus services which were available in that area. Apparently 182 is the only bus that goes there and I stupidly referred to the year 2000 edition of the Transitlink guide to be willingly misled into thinking 182 starts servicing at the Jurong East interchange.

Got there and realised it was Boon Lay interchange instead. ARGH.

Got to Boon Lay and realised 182 goes to Tuas, apparently!! Double ARGH. Aren't I supposed to be tutoring and not sold as child labour on the construction sites/factories of Tuas?!!! I raised an eyebrow (because I can only raise my right one) at what I saw but the sight of HDB flats assured me that Boon Lay is at least 50% civilisation, so I shouldn't be served as child labour after all.

Still, the massive numbers of foreign workers was enough to make me move away from the queue for 182 and make a dash for the taxi stand instead.

The kid's not very bright, but she tries and I'm extremely thankful for that.

Then halfway through the lesson, I received this sms from the tuition agent:

It reads: "New tuition careful of flasher" (pardon the bad English)!!!

Wtf?!??

I knew it.

I knew the pay wouldn't be so high for no sound reason. There must have been recurrent flasher reports made to her by previous tutors, that's why she was kind enough to send me a, eh warning and only after I got duped int0 going to that ulu suaku place at that!

For the sake of money, I will rough it out and take the potential danger involved in my pride for I am a professional tutor.

Muahahahahaha..

The lack of sleep's getting to me, huh.

22:47

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Disturbed, Unnerved.

If micro measured 10 on the Richter scale, than macro's definitely a 100 or a 1000 even. Gosh... I'm screwing up all my majors. Well done, me. :'(

Thanks to Clara who put up with my ranting and shared her woes with me right after the paper (on the phone lah, she din fly to NUS, neither did I fly to Bishan! :P), your listening ear was very much appreciated!

So that obviously got me down for the day. Right after the paper, I went for a facial (cheapo SGD$40 kind yeah, don't point a finger at me and scream, "High maintenance!") in hope of calming my rather worked up skin. My face's a tad red after all that squeezing and pulling but yeah over than that, I am physically well. If only I didn't see that mole chart stuck onto the wall!

You know how it is with Chinese right? We believe moles in different parts of the body represent different things, so I inquisitively checked out the meaning of the mole on my right palm. Apparently, if it's found on the centre (mine's kinda but not totally centralised) and at the bottom of the palm, it means "ji2" !!! Good fortune! :D

Excitedly, I moved on to read what the mole near the jawline of the face is said to signify, and this time round, I was sorely disappointed.

It read "pin2" as in "pin2 qiong2", ie POOR. :'(

And to cut the long story short, I thought of my spending behaviour and felt very sad about having no discipline when it comes to shopping so that would probably make the chart pretty accurate. I am blessed with the good fortune to be able to find work easily and thus earn, but I squander everything away and end up being poor!

*SIGHHH*

Then, earlier on, 1 of the tuition agencies I signed up with called to ask if I was interested in an assignment. Sec 3 girl, English, Math and Combined Science, twice a week, $360 per month.

Desperate for the money, I agreed.

Nothing wrong with that, since I've already decided that I wanna slog my guts out as a tutor during this 3 month break BUT it only served to add on to my second disturbance.

See? The moment exams end, I get offered a job. After I get my pay and before I know it, I'll spend it all and I'll be stuck in the poverty cycle once more. It's the same story over and over again each holiday!

My first job after the As at Recruit Express paid quite well with the commission, NVPC pay wasn't high but it was definitely steady and there was NO CPF CUT, been tutoring the twins and that Sec 1 guy for at least a year and Flaschengeist definitely paid well with the higher-than-average pay and super long hours!

So WHY the fuck am I still poor?!

Hail the shopping queen and the downfall of her bank account. Yes, we all know the reason why but keep it a shush-shush thing. I am remorseful. I don't want my parents to be right about me being a spendthrift.

As annoying as her nagging can get, my mum's right. "You will only accumulate wealth if you know how to keep the money you earn."

How true. I can be earning $20 a day but only spend $2 and be way better off than earning $200 a day and spending $250!

Bye exams (yes they are over finally, in case I've forgotten to mention) and hello to depression.

**Proof. I need proof that I have self-discipline. In a month's time I will come back to this post and update on my savings. Everyone just hold me back from spending, please! :S Make use of weapons and violence if you need to and if you are a true friend!

PS. Oh, I've lost 1 kg just from the exams. :S It's not a lot but do you see the impact of the freakin' exams?! I thought I was gaining weight by leading the sedentary mugging life which means mug, eat, sleep and mug again. I think my brain's gone. Time to get a new ticker. I am going for it.

22:41

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Monday, April 24, 2006

Horrendous! The Cough Symphony.

So, micro went badly today. :( Imagine having to tackle a paper with 20 MCQs and 4 long structured questions within 2 hours. If you're thinking it's not that bad, *high 5!*, that's what I thought too. Unless of course, the tedious MCQs took forever to complete; 5 minutes for a stupid MCQ which is only worth 1 mark. HC teachers have met their match. I've never felt so annoyed during an exam! Seriously, frustration was building up in ominous amounts in me while I scribbled down my answers as quickly as I could, in a desperate attempt to maybe scrape a pass for this paper.

Ominous, because I came out of the exam hall with my face as black as King Kong.

Grrrrrrrrr.

And what's with the COUGHERS?!!! I HATE HATE HATE coughers! They ought to be banned from the exam venues!

Throughout the entire paper, the multi-purpose sports hall was filled with symphonic bouts of coughing. The coughers could...
1. have chao mugged too hard the day before and hence, came down with a really bad cough and/or
2. be attempting to cheat through cough codes and/or
3. ate too much chocs and chips during this stressful period. Heaty = cough! and/or
4. have the natural inclination to cough during an exam out of sheer nervousness and there's actually no phlegm at all.

Screw it. I need my 2 hours of peace while doing my paper! If I'm not generating any audio disturbances in your way, then why should I put up with your incessant coughing?!

Let each soft cough = x, normal cough = X, loud cough = X and super mega loud cough accompanied by an equally super mega loud sneeze be X, here you have it.

Cough Symphony EC2101 FM:
"xXXXXXx, XXXXxXXXX, XXXXxxxXXX, xxxXXXxXxXXxxxx,
xxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx, xXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx,
xXxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxXXXX!"
*repeat verse on erratic mode, do verse in double quick time to create chorus

Ladies and gentlemen, this was what I was put through for the entire 2 hours, on top of a very tough paper. You gotta hand it to these exam coughers man!

13:00

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Saturday, April 22, 2006

Happy Birthday, Xizzy!!!

This is specially for Xizzy, the silliest pig of the world and most definitely everyone's favourite girl!

(okay, so this pic is pretty old and I look fat, my hair's damn fugly short but so what? We look happy! :D )

Xizzy, I hope you've received the card and birthday presents we sent you! Did they get through? :S

Anyway, I really do hope you enjoy this special day! You're old, just like me! :P Can't wait to see you back here in July. All of us miss you! :)

16:34

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Friday, April 21, 2006

Gotta Have That CRRRUNCH In The Time

Spinnin': 'Say Something' by Mariah Carey Ft. Snoop Dog

Crunchtime!!!

I've got a paper tomorrow morning and my bed is like, beckoning me towards it.

Heck. It's open book anyway.

PS. The Neptunes RAWWWWWWWWWWKKK. They do. Really.

22:02

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Monday, April 17, 2006

Bloody Restless.

I'm in the running for a Guinness because I've been online not once, twice, blah and blah, but 5 times since this morning...! The best thing is, I come online with the intention to get out of the stoning rut, yet I can barely do anything constructive here either! Don't mention webcasts, I can't even be bothered to blogsurf or click on the usual tabloid links.

If you noticed, I'm so lazy these days, I don't reply to tags. Sorry peeps, I'm not ignoring you or anything, but I just don't feel like doing much to this blog nowadays. :
Effective...
1. Number of mugging hours clocked in: 4
2. Most optimal mugging time of the day: Morning. 8.30 to 10.30. After that, that thing up in my head just drifts off to outer space. Out. COMPLETELY. I'd doodle, re-read all my old magazines, play with the baby, draw up new diet plans, stare at my pimple scars in the mirror and curse them all to death, play with the baby again, switch TV channels which are all no good in the late mornings and end up watching some obscure culinary (hello?! Me? Cook?!!!) show hosted by some fat Chinese woman who speaks with a ridiculous accent called Nancy Lam.

24 - 8 sleeping - 4 mugging hours = 12 hours of uninterrupted stoning/vacancy/nothingness.

Empty out that drive I used to call mine. I wish I could locate the culprit. Re-ignition, please.

Madness starts this Friday and I'm still bochap.

(how many calories does a tablespoon of dijon mustard sauce have?!)

21:12

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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Ack!-Zee-Mah

Eczema's coming back. It's fucking irritating. The usual (hah! I have been reduced to calling them the usuals. How familiar are they getting...) zits are enough to drive me nuts! I'm beginning to think it's stress-related. That said, I'm not even mugging rigorously. My posterior's capability at adhering itself to the seat at the study table is improving, but not tremendously, I'm afraid.

Was chewing on sunflower seeds and leftover kueh lapis. As if I'm not a fat bird already!

They are coming. My way, your way. Soon.

Can't wait. ;)

*Oh, and I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed for her. I'm not sure what's best for her, but I do hope she gets whatever she deserves. Stay strong, all of us care...

00:02

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Friday, April 14, 2006

U-Turn

Stupid angst. I'm gonna be happy from now on. No one owes me a living, so I'm not gonna let all that jealousy and stupidity get to me.

I am good. Now. At this moment. It's okay that I still can't find myself a bf. It's alright that I don't rock in my studies. :)

Been making plans for post-exams activities, ie. daydreaming. Hah. I'm so excicted; just cannot wait!

Online (window) shopping:

WHY are junk food tees so expensive?!!!!!! I remember I used to dig Roxy berms a lot but couldn't bear to buy them. I'd look at them longingly but could never bring myself to pay what, 60 bucks for a pair!? Eventually, I did buy 1 in J1 but that was when the hype about surfwear died down already. History is repeating itself now! I'm going ga-ga over Junk Food when the rest of the world have already worn them to death and sold them off to the karang-guni man.

Slogggggg after exams, earn a lot of moolah, then splurge. Simple affair. I'll probably get a dozen. :)